About Prearranged Marriage
What is a prearranged marriage (or arranged marriage) in my culture? It’s when either family, clan leaders, matchmaker, parents or other clan members with authority arrange an endogamous marriage between a man and woman. In this marriage arrangement, the spouses do not make the choice of who they would marry, but due to its endogamous nature, it is most likely someone from the same clan. If not the same clan, the same culture.
There have been times in our family histories where our families could not marry within our own clans. For example, in the early 1900′s, my wife’s Pavee clan (Irish Travellers) were dying off due to times for hardship and persecution. During this time, a Vlax-Kalderashi clan was travelling into Ireland and they also were small in numbers. Both clans came together, found out that they had compatible spiritual beliefs, and inter-married.
It is understood amongst us that it is Vujo Romaniya (sacred adherence to our laws) to marry within our own; and it is a matter of respect, honour and internalized duty to see that our bloodlines remain within clan members who will perpetuate our culture. Some people may be wondering that we could be all suffering from deformities due to marrying within our own people, but you may rest assured that our matchmakers have clear understanding of genetic laws to insure healthy children. Afterall, for our people, having healthy and strong children is of utmost importance.
Some reasons for prearranged marriages:
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Eugenics – Improving our bloodlines. One of the most important reasons for prearranged marriages. The survival and quality of our bloodline is extremely important to us. One of the main things that a persecuted ethnic group has going for them is capable and strong children. The children are, afterall, our future and legacy.
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Settle disputes amongst clans.
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Traditional matchmaking.
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Forging spiritual alliances.
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Strengthen family name and/or honour.
Prearranged marriages are not unique to our families and clans. In fact, there are many ethnic groups and cultures that find benefits in prearranged marriages. And yet, in most people’s worldview, prearranged marriages create various (adverse) reactions. Some find it an uncomfortably foreign concept where they see someone who has had their marriage arranged as though they are being forced to do something they do not want to do. While others believe we are being elitist, and guard themselves against our “segregationist mentality”.
I think it is important to understand that everyone has different worldviews, and what may be very comfortable for some, it may be taboo for others. I’m proud to belong to clans that are very open-minded. We understand, and teach our children, that even though we may have these traditions, there is still a whole realm of nuptial possibilities out there!
It is true that in this era, unlike past eras, the young people in our clans are finding a strong pull to experiment with various conjugal possibilities. There are many traditionally minded members in our clans that find this a little disconcerting, but there are others that see it as another change that life has brought about. While some young people find the need to experiment and find out what other conjugal possibilities exist (often succumbing to local practices), there are others who find that our traditions wise, and cling to them. My mother had an arranged marriage. And I also had an arranged marriage, created by my spiritual leader and blessed by my mother.
To me, prearranged marriage sounds like a sterile term for something that revolves around one of the most sacred elements about our people – and that is our sexuality. Instead of prearranged marriage, I would rather call it “divine coupling” or something in those lines.
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Tags: ceremony, customs, traditions
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